01.07.2024
They show someone distorted satellite images to show him that they know where he is.
02.07.2024
03.07.2024
My guitar and effects are at the Tacheles. O. is doing a sound check with someone else and I want to help him. But it’s not clear which channel his microphone is on. I leave it alone and carry my instruments in. Then a forklift truck comes along and won’t put them down. Mr T. comes round the corner and bumps into me. He moves round me. I remember that he is a lawyer and ask him if he wants to assess me. He says yes. There is an envelope from the school with an address on it to which it should be returned if it gets lost. There’s also a number from Tacheles. I’m supposed to play the song “Eieigmel” with O. I don’t even remember how the melody goes. I also wonder whether my fingers will still be able to cope with playing my Gibson.
04.07.2024
I find myself in a dense crowd. With O. and J. I’m holding flowers in my hands and we’re waiting to be let through an exit. I see a grandstand under which one could hide. I’m afraid I’m making myself look suspicious. Then the exit is opened and we push out. The crowd is moving. It could be dangerous. I find my daughter.
05.07.2024
I see a solo entertainer with a guitar. I float with my daughter and land on a windowsill. Then I push myself off.
06.07.2024
I cut up a large map so I can put it on a table. I cut it a little crooked. It’s a map of Menorca. Then I tie two ropes to a boat with a bowline. My father is there. One of the ropes is a bit tattered. It doesn’t look good. V. gives me four envelopes to post for her. They are reviews of dancers and actors who are applying for funding. V. asks me to check them with C. I go into the kitchen to join C. and Y. We actually wanted to go out for a meal together, but Y. is already eating. Then we leave in the car. I park the car. We go into a building where the dancers and actors are presenting their projects for funding. Then I remember that I’ve forgotten V.’s envelopes. I curse and walk back down a winding escalator with a child sitting on it. I go out into the street, but don’t know the way back and take the car that I had parked in the wrong place anyway. As I return via Choriner Strasse, I meet people looking for the house with the dancers and actors. They tell me the house number and I show them the way.
07.07.2024
Two people prepare a car to smuggle something. A map with black dots as markers. I see that the door handle on the car, where they want to hide the map, looks different and warn them that it will be noticed.
Then I’m standing outside by a wall, death is coming down on me. I pick something up. S. walks past and talks to C. He says it’s all about the money. Death keeps coming towards me and I don’t want to die yet and I start to cry and tell my children and my wife that I love them. I record it so they can hear it. I continue to cry bitterly. My wife says I’m still here. But death keeps coming for me.
08.07.2024
I’m destroying everything. The whole legacy. I leave behind a huge devastation, kill everyone long and agonisingly. I see it through to the end.
Other musicians, they play from sheet music for a performance. I’d like to be able to do that too.
09.07.2024
I prepare music tracks so that I can work on them.
10.07.2024
I’m travelling to revolutions in the East and I talk about it with my father. But I can’t name the cities.
11.07.2024
I peel three eggs or boil them and put them in a box for my daughter’s A-levels.
Michael Stipe sings. He is very muscular. His strong arms and his back are covered with long hair. He wears a vest. The question is whether he will perform like this. Or whether he will take off the vest and remove the hair. Which he then does on a bus.
12.07.2024
I’m on a return trip with others. We go to a bar that looks like a flat I would like to live in. A young woman is serving us. Her mattress is in the back. A higher room would serve better as a bedroom, but there is a separate large table. I want to leave but the others are drinking. I push them out.
In a rehearsal room someone plays a song and I play along to the melody on a guitar. It is supposed to sound like Coldplay. Someone says it does not sound like that. My black Gibson is broken. Someone has destroyed it. Who will repair it? We drive on with D. and arrive much earlier than expected via Cologne and Aachen. How could I have miscalculated like that? We unpack the things from the car and I say that I will take D. home. He does not want to but then sits behind the wheel. It is H.’s birthday. D. has already brought her flowers. I have had a bouquet for days. Now it is partly dried. What will C. say about the flowers? I sit at a table in the street outside a pub eating a piece of bread. D. drives past. I wave him off, I still have to see H. and bring her the flowers. Or should I buy a new bouquet? Oil has dripped on the table and I wipe it off. Then I put the plates and tableware together with a board. I rinse my hands with another water bottle. Then I drink from my own bottle. I will bring H. the flowers that are already with her.
13.07.2024
I’m with a young girl. She asks me what class I’m in. I reply that I’ve done my A-levels. I want to be close to her but she is too young and too crazy. I have a performance to prepare. She leaves and her brother comes. Then another brother arrives to check in. The doorbell rings. P. looks through the peephole and workers come into the flat. Music is playing on the intercom and they want to see where the music is coming from. Music is playing in my room and I dance to it.
The girl who left has left a mess of clothes and scraps of paper. I clean up. It is getting late and I wonder how I should deal with the girl. I think I will need to keep her at a distance.
14.07.2024
I keep listening to the music I made for a clip. The clip has already been broadcast and I think it would have been good if my music had already been on it. Should I also send the clip with the music to N. so he can give me feedback even though I was commissioned directly by the broadcaster? After a break, I listen to the music again and suddenly I do not find it fitting anymore.
15.07.2024
I’m in a garage. There is also someone there with a child. I’m wearing a scarf and speak with a French accent.
16.07.2024
17.07.2024
Nick Cave gives a reading. Then he listens to a woman giving a presentation. At the end, Nick Cave says that he will take over part of it. I guess he can do that with his fame. Then he takes a huge white flag and raises it. It flutters in the wind and brushes against a statue. He attaches a mobile phone to the back of his head with a pole, starts a performance and the phone seems to be doing a live broadcast. We watch, without mobile phones. Other spectators come wearing suits. I’m wearing a black suit. Then I put up two picture frames with shattered glass with pictures of me.
18.07.2024
I’m in New York with C. We want to go to a concert by Alexander Hacke. Why don’t I go straight there? Now I’m afraid I’ll be late. We go to the lifts and I have to buy a ticket beforehand.
There is a long queue at the ticket office. A woman pushes her way in; she goes to another woman. They have a child. It is a premature birth. M. says that he knew the child was older.
I look at my mobile phone and see abstract erotic pictures. Behind me is a beautiful older woman who gives me a friendly smile. Has she seen what I was looking at on my phone?
The queue moves forwards. A man who is with the older beautiful woman asks if I made a contract with R. after we broke up. I say no. He jokingly suggests something. Then we get to Hacke’s concert. He sits at the front and answers questions grumpily about how he got to know his booker, Constanza. From over thirty film festivals, he says. After the concert I wait for the lift down. I’m on my sailing boat. The sails are hoisted and the engine is off. I sail past the other people waiting. Further ahead I tie up; someone releases the chain. I sail on quickly. Then the boat suddenly disappears into an opening that has been unscrewed. I ask who did this and fear it is a punishment for sailing too fast. Someone points up to an old television set. I ask, why did he do that? Now the boat is gone. I say to Hacke that it is a funny story to lose his boat in New York. But now all my instruments that were on the boat are gone too.
19.07.2024
I’m on the phone with my brother. His children finally understand something about him. N. is looking for a job on the island, for a few weeks or one. I ask my brother who called — him or me? He says me, like a father his mother. I say, “like a son his mother.”
20.07.2024
I’m at a table tennis training session with N. and Y. We are there all day. Registration for newcomers takes place later. There are a lot of other newcomers now. We do not get any places even though we were the only ones there all day. I finally persuade the woman handing out the registration tickets to accept Y. Finally N. too. I’m not going to take part.
I’m outside setting up something for the music and try to put up a small sign.
It is always crooked. There is supposed to be a payout for music rights. This time there should be more money. I think I should publish more — after all, I’m a musician.
Then there is football training outside in a courtyard. I go to the children. The coach kicks away a ball that isn’t inflated enough. I take a ball and try to inflate it with a compressor pump. Too much. The ball is now very hard. I trip over a wire.
21.07.2024
P. drives very fast through the night. I’m scared and ask him to slow down. Then I have to buy different toothpaste and can’t open a room. I manage it with Y. A rail with blinds opens.
I edit a film with N. There’s some coke in the bag. Then I rehearse with U. A piece of music by someone else is playing.I find a hidden function with EQ and scissors and can edit the piece that way.Then I look for my own pieces of music and find various foodstuffs with vocal samples from N. I sit in a chair wrapped up warm with a pillow behind my head. I ask U. if she would like some tea.
22.07.2024
I go skiing on sports shoes with someone I know. The man is going to a dinner with R., where C. is also going. Nick Cave too. I’m not invited. I want to avoid the meal. At the same time, I want to meet Nick Cave. Eventually I go and meet Nick Cave who, like me, is wearing a suit and trainers. I was afraid I wouldn’t look smart enough. R. says I should have let him know before I was coming uninvited. Nick Cave has less hair again. I tell him that I played with R. from Einstürzende Neubauten.
Then I’m in a place where I’m supposed to help. I walk around to see where help is needed.
I take off, but the headwind is too strong and I land again. I keep walking. There’s not really anything to do. There are people sitting in a canteen. Are they praying? I sit down on the ground, then go out again. Someone is doing something but it’s better to wait for the person who did it in the first place. I walk down an aisle to the other end and then back again.
23.07.2024
24.07.2024
I am with D. I want to be close but not too intrusive. My face is on her arm.
I’m standing in a lift with P. The door opens. I’m holding on to a strap, I’ve painted something white but would probably have done better in keeping it brown. We pass concrete buildings. Everyone has tried to make their flat a bit nicer with plants. The colour I’m painting is running and I dab it off. A wooden rail falls out. P. is waiting for me. I’m only wearing shorts and have to fix something. Is P. still in contact with T.? No. He’s leading the play and I’m looking for a ladder. It starts to rain. I dance to the music in my shorts and can’t find my way. My mother is there. She’s ill, has cancer, her skin is all red. She’s standing next to another couple and I give her a kiss. Then I stand next to her.
25.07.2024
I try to hold an extremely aggressive and agitated bull while a hedge is being cut. I also wrestle with the bull on a sofa. I hold him back but can’t restrain him. I am very close to the bull, the feeling is intense and sexual. I keep trying to hold him back but he keeps going crazy. He can’t be tamed.
26.07.2024
27.07.2024
Someone explains to me how a compressor works. A woman is next door on a boat. An older man warns me that she needs too much attention and that I’m doing too much for her.
28.07.2024
We’re playing football. V. is there too. Then some kind of fitness training. The room is small. I squeeze into a corner so that I touch something and the push-ups aren’t so difficult. Then we go up a flight of stairs. I run. Light on my feet. Someone calls me and cries, asks where everyone is, there are only a few people there. I say the meeting is taking place somewhere else. I want S. to play the music with me. I sing what we would play. Also a piano passage, similar to Bach. I wonder what R. would say if I wanted to play with S.
But S. can’t because he’s going away. It makes me very sad.
29.07.2024
Someone has contracted corona. I’m looked at (by three people) as if I’m to blame.
30.07.2024
31.07.2024