01.09.2024

I sit in front of screens and assemble something from different modules. Digital clothing. I’m doing this for my father. It’s different to what he’s used to and he says he can’t work with it. I say that a task like this could also appear in the exam. My father denies it. I try to put it back together as he is used to. I am trembling. My mother or my brother put an arm on me to calm me down. I shake off the arm. The modules become a film and I have to put music on it. The music isn’t final yet, but I want to put it on for the screening. N. doesn’t think it’s necessary. But I think the film will look completely different with the music. I go to a place like a university campus. I climb up one of the buildings. There are bedrooms there that are nicer than where I’m staying. But they’re not in the city. When I reach the top, an ornate wooden moulding breaks off. Two guards passing below notice me. I climb down. There is a family in the bottom room. I hide the broken moulding under a chest of drawers. My brother shows me his new black rucksack. It’s smart but I think it’s too big. I wonder how I can get the music tracks for the film right. There is a small gap, which I measure with a piece of wood. But if the soundtrack isn’t quite perfect, you’ll hear it when the actors speak in the film and it’s not in sync. The time until the screening is short and the risk of making a mistake is high.

02.09.2024

My brother wants the bathrooms to be repainted. Is it too expensive? No. Then they’ll all look the same. Should the bricks be repainted? In the underground. The boxing match has been cancelled. The announcement is hard to understand. But he’s not coming. I want to call A. but can’t find his name on my phone. Eventually I find him lying down with a joint. He doesn’t want any more. What’s all this for? Two years of training. I look at my watch. It’s almost too late. The fight isn’t going to happen and I’m not there. If I had gone, I would have become champion without a fight and then trained for a year to build up my body and defend the title next year.

03.09.2024

A concert preparation with O. We play something briefly. I finish with a mistake. I go through a curtain. There are already over 1000 people there. That’s why I should have played properly in rehearsal. We were heard.

I set up instruments and a record player separately. Then I decide to put the turntable on the platform so I can operate everything better and make loops. There isn’t quite enough space. Then I go with S. to a cinema down the stairs. Is it a porn cinema? I want to masturbate, but it’ll probably be suspicious if I stay away that long. I tell S. that I want us to be a team.

04.09.2024

I’m standing on the pitch with Bayern fans. They have won the championship, are happy and cheering. A few Schalke players are standing next to them. They lost at the last minute. Then they seem to have won the championship too. But they don’t know it yet. We walk slowly to the Schalke players and see if they realise. When they still look sad, we point to the scoreboard so that they can see that they’ve also won. They look in disbelief. Interesting to see how the brain works, I think. Finally, we tell them that they have won too. They can’t quite believe it and tell us to come back later when they’ve checked it. We walk through catacombs to another pitch. I go with Julian Nagelsmann. We could talk but don’t. It’s about drugs in teenagers. He talks to his daughter. We could talk about it but we don’t. I go out onto the other pitch. We stand in the drizzle and look at the stadium screen to see if Hansi Flick will take the job as national coach. I say that I couldn’t care less and won’t wait in the rain for the decision. The other person agrees.

05.09.2024

I see T. tidying up behind large windows. I wave to her and think she won’t answer me.

I have to write a class test in French about Asperger syndrome. My handwriting is very illegible. I don’t know exactly what to write either. A twin child needs its sibling. I think it’s vague and banal. I think about googling on my phone. The teacher comes by and looks at my sheet. I want to ask her something but she moves on.

06.09.2024

I’m with the children and U. I didn’t do something quite right, only registered myself. U. criticises me even though it’s not that bad. C. nods. I go for U.’s throat.

07.09.2024

I’m in a room with a woman, but it seems I’m also with another woman somewhere else. I want to leave. Because I can go somewhere else, I can probably leave this woman more easily. The woman in the room gives me something to bleach my hair. I put it on my body and face. Then I don’t want it anymore. I’m afraid my eyebrows might already be coloured. I get up, take two damp towels and go to the bathroom. I turn on an old double tap and the water runs straight onto the floor. I turn it off again. I go to the bathtub, which is full, and let it drain. On the street at night there are a few dogs on the corner. Then they run on.

08.09.2024

I’m with someone who has a dog like a cow. I score 14:39.

I pick up Y. We’re doing maths. She can’t do it.

With A. at a Nick Cave gig at the Volksbühne. We go on stage with security for the last song and watch from behind. Then we leave via the back exit and go up to the after-show party. A. has had a pen stolen, but everything else is there. At the check-in I show my birth book, a number. I try to get E. in too. I haven’t been there for a long time. It’s furnished like an English house. We eat jelly beans and other little things with crumbs. I throw a jelly bean to A. Nick Cave is there and then leaves. I look for a DVD player to watch a sex film after C. and I didn’t like the others.

I’m at V.’s studio. He has recorded a new record. The first song is the hit. I think it would be better to put the song later. His ex-girlfriend is clearing out the studio.

09.09.2024

10.09.2024

.

11.09.2024

I arrive at a house on the edge of the sea. A spectacular location. The owner is not there. I walk through the rooms until I reach the bedrooms and pull back the curtains. Behind them is a small garden with a wall. I find it strange and a shame that you cannot see the sea because of it. Behind it is another plot of land or an island with people on it. I want to join them. The owner arrives. I put my things away again. Then I lie in a bed with C. and the owner. C. holds me in her arms. What if the owner wants to hold me too? What if he wants more? C. struggles to hold me. The position is uncomfortable for her. We are hovering over the road in a car.

12.09.2024

I’m at a place where I’m picking someone up.

13.09.2024

I am in an elevator in Barcelona, going up and down several times. A woman gets in. She speaks Flemish, and I answer her in Flemish. She is not surprised. She is looking for a place, and I check the map for her. We continue riding the elevator up and down while I try to find the correct metro station. She wants to go to a dance centre in the harbour of Barcelona. I wonder whether it is on the same metro line.

Why are there still people who vote for Trump?

14.09.2024

I am with N. and cannot make a decision. Tiles are attached to a gate; I stand in front of it with J.

My mother’s flat is supposed to be sold. Engel & Völkers has already published an advert, even though I had wanted to sell the flat myself first. My brother is sitting at the kitchen table. I talk to him, but he cannot make a decision. Online, I see small videos of my mother’s flat. Everything looks tidy and white. The camera shows the washing machine and the old tumble dryer from my childhood.

15.09.2024

I am with Blixa Bargeld. We want to prepare a piece together that involves a circle. I wonder what R. will think about me working with Blixa. I sit in front of several screens in a tunnel, searching for funding opportunities. Too many windows are open, and I struggle to close them, including one with my dream project. Blixa thinks it is pointless. I continue walking along the tunnel, passing wooden gates like on a farm. Floodlights are mounted on the walls; some work, some flicker. I adjust one of them and change its intensity. At the end of the tunnel, I meet two elderly women who oversee an archive. One of them mentions Hölderlin.